solitary tears...

Today makes one year since I last spoke with my mother.

She died at approximately 11 p.m. September 1, 2007.



The last twelve months has brought a lot of firsts for us.



The first birthday celebrations without her, the first holidays...



My son's second birthday...my daughters 18th birthday and her highschool graduation...



Everyday is a challenge.



The more time that has gone by does not mean it has gotten easier.



The grief is still fresh.



I still get that feeling in the pit of my stomach when I forget and think I need to call her and tell her the latest news.



She left too soon.



I wasn't ready.



She was only 60.



I was only 37.



Way, way to young to lose my mother.



I miss her so much... every single day... every single hour of the day.



I was reminded this week, however, that she wouldn't want me to wallow in my grief.



She would want me to move on.



She would want me to do my best with what she taught me.



She would want me to love my babies and teach them the same deep love for our Savior that she taught me.



She would want me to rise to this challenge.



We will see each other again one day... of this I am sure.



I try not to cry... often...in front of the kids or show them how down I get sometimes...



...but for a moment... on this day... I cry solitary tears.