In My Weakness...

Over the years, I have learned so much about being a Mama...

Some lessons learned have been hard battles to win...

Some have been learned from friends or observing people I respected...

My best lessons come in the middle of adversity.  I struggle and struggle... because I am one of those people that need to learn the hard way... I guess.  Finally, after what seems like an eternity, I figure out what God has been trying to teach me all along.

Some people tell me I am such a good mother, but...

I am just like all of you.

Having more children doesn't make me better.  I struggle with the same issues that other mothers struggle with.  Some days I want to escape to the quietness of my shower and find a few minutes to be alone... but (like yesterday) that usually only gives me 30 seconds before someone decides they MUST find me or use my bathroom for some strange reason.

I don't know how people do anything without God's help.
He helps me to be a better mother, friend, wife, woman, human...

In my weakness, He is strong.




But he said to me,
"My grace is sufficient for you,
 for my power is made perfect in weakness."
Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses,
so that Christ's power may rest on me.

2 Corinthians 12:9 (NIV)

A Soft Place...

So...

Daughter # 3 started drivers ed on Monday...

It kills me when this happens...

It reminds me that they are growing up and moving on...

...moving away from me.

I know that some parents do the dance of joy when their kids get old enough to move on... and I do find joy in watching them grow and become wonderful adults... but I also miss them. 

I miss watching them learn and I miss having them near me all of the time.

With that important document, comes a job and less time with the family...

Even though I have no real worries for this daughter, I still know that the world can be a cruel place.

So... I guess I will prepare to be that soft spot for her to land when things don't go quite the way she planned... when people don't behave the way they should... and when someone breaks her heart.

Afterall, that is one of the jobs of a mother...

...to be a soft place to land.

solitary tears...

Today makes one year since I last spoke with my mother.

She died at approximately 11 p.m. September 1, 2007.



The last twelve months has brought a lot of firsts for us.



The first birthday celebrations without her, the first holidays...



My son's second birthday...my daughters 18th birthday and her highschool graduation...



Everyday is a challenge.



The more time that has gone by does not mean it has gotten easier.



The grief is still fresh.



I still get that feeling in the pit of my stomach when I forget and think I need to call her and tell her the latest news.



She left too soon.



I wasn't ready.



She was only 60.



I was only 37.



Way, way to young to lose my mother.



I miss her so much... every single day... every single hour of the day.



I was reminded this week, however, that she wouldn't want me to wallow in my grief.



She would want me to move on.



She would want me to do my best with what she taught me.



She would want me to love my babies and teach them the same deep love for our Savior that she taught me.



She would want me to rise to this challenge.



We will see each other again one day... of this I am sure.



I try not to cry... often...in front of the kids or show them how down I get sometimes...



...but for a moment... on this day... I cry solitary tears.